Do you ever feel so lonely yet you are surrounded by tons of people? Good people too. Friends. Family. People you love yet you feel so unloved.
You feel so overlooked.
I have been walking through the motions these past few years. I feel as if I am frozen in space, and everyone else is moving on through. I have felt that emptiness that pits in your stomach when you walk into a social event. I have felt that insecurity of not meeting expectations when meeting new people. I have felt as if I did not fill that space.
Life is hard. Most likely, I am not the first person to tell you that. Walking through a weighted life is difficult. It’s unsteady, and you feel like you are the only one.
Here is a truth for you: you are not the only one.
In fact, there are crowds of people who feel this loneliness.
Why do we feel like we are the only ones in this game? We don’t talk about it. It’s not a topic that is in our conversation cards. Mental health is stigmatized. To many, it is not even seen as real illness.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are going through is real.
Your pain is valid, and you don’t have to validate it to anyone. Maybe if more of our conversations were about our struggles, we wouldn’t feel so lonely, so isolated. I am a deep feeler, deep talker. I love having heart to heart conversations.
I realized something the other day when I pulled out the seat next to a stranger and started a conversation with her. I realized that I have been failing when it comes to be intentional in conversation. As I got to know her, I asked about something personal –how her relationship was? I didn’t even know if she was in one, but I felt the push to ask. She began to share her heart, and I was there to listen. I then said something that changed the expression in her face.
“You are worth it. You are worth loving”.
She told me “I just met you, and you said that to me. Wow. I needed that”.
What if we had more conversations like that? What if instead of looking down at our phones while sitting at the bar waiting for our coffee, we intentionally ask how the day of the person beside us is going? What if we proclaimed people’s worth more often? What if we pulled up a chair and asked the hard questions?
In my own place of loneliness, I knew I needed those words – “you are worthy”.
I knew I needed that affirmation.
We were never meant to go through life alone. I felt like if I asked for help that I would be a burden. That is a lie. You aren’t a burden. Asking for help is not weak. Reaching out to someone is actually so very brave. It takes courage to admit that you need someone to walk hand in hand with you. It’s easy to go throughout your day and have above the surface conversations. It’s easy to use “hey! How are you?” as a loose passing gesture. That phrase is meant for more intentional conversation.
Let’s start showing up in people’s lives. We will quickly realize that we aren’t alone in our struggles. Other people battle with the same thing but don’t mention it, because it’s a “taboo” subject. Let’s un-taboo that. Real life conversation is important and should not be a subject that we tip-toe around.
This is my proposal.
This is my vision to change how we walk through our daily lives.
Our loneliness is cured when our conversation has intent.
Our grief can be healed when we take the hands of a friend instead of walking alone.
Our struggles are our struggles, and it’s hard to walk in it. Don’t walk it alone. You deserve more than that.
I am setting my intentions for this upcoming year.
1) Never be too busy to love people.
2) Never have not enough room to give welcome people.
3) Know that my struggles are valid, and I have the freedom to share that.
Pull out those conversation cards again and add the card “how are you really doing?”, because that’s an important one.